Editors Note: Jim Kuschill is a patient man. Patient enough to have architected one of the world’s leading loyalty marketing software platforms while Chief Technology Officer of Frequency Marketing. DIRECTV got his goat and the following is worth a read, especially if you’re the person responsible for customer experience or customer service at your company.

I don’t know when the customer experience scales tipped, but indeed they have – DIRECTV can now claim to be just as lacking as your typical cable company.

My enlightenment started a few months ago…

As is the case with so many of us, my wife and I are pretty busy and we almost never remember pay per view (PPV). On this particular evening, I remembered PPV and even identified a movie that would be fun to watch. I queued it up and was looking forward to some comedy over the coming weekend, or maybe the weekend after.

In case you haven’t heard, the PPV model has changed and the (then) subtle notations on the ordering menu about the “new and improved” model were too subtle for me to comprehend. My movie recorded, my bill was debited, and my movie was erased.

I did some research and discovered this was certainly my fault. Flaming blog entries from a variety of people indicated that the change had taken place some time before. Never mind that there wasn’t anything with my billing statement explaining the change, nor an e-mail, nor a separate communication. It was as if DirecTV and the Studios didn’t want anybody to know about the change. How could it be that they wouldn’t want you to know that “pay per view” had become “pay per download?” Clearly the emphasis was now on “pay per” and viewing be damned.

I spent time wondering about “fair use” and what the Studios were thinking. How does a movie taking up space on somebody’s DVR lose them money? Do they expect thousands of recurring neighborhood parties for Battle of the Smithsonian? Maybe the movie gets tweeted around the world in 4 million little pieces? I just couldn’t figure it out.

I sent an e-mail of complaint to DirecTV and requested a credit to my bill. No response. I sent another. Still nothing. The $4.99 wasn’t worth a call, which sadly I suspect was the plan in not responding to the e-mail, so I simply bit my tongue.

But, I really did want to watch that movie, so I tried to order it again. The DirecTV system, being smarter than I am, decided that because I had already viewed that movie that I couldn’t really want to view it again. Well, that’s not quite correct, it said something was “wrong” and I needed to call them. Sorry, it just wasn’t worth it.

I vowed to never again use PPV – we simply couldn’t watch a movie within 24 hours of recording.

I have to imagine many people did just the same and sales tanked quite a bit. I have to imagine that DirecTV noticed, and trying to get viewers back they held a promotion in December offering 4 movies for the price of 2. Frankly, this was enough to get my attention and break my vow – which is usually a bad idea. But I had an ace up my sleeve and since the prior problem I had developed a Rube Goldberg way of recording the movies, so maybe I could beat the system, maybe just a little.

With the hustle of the holidays we forgot about the offer until the morning of December 30th, so we had to move fast so as not to impinge too much on all the football we wanted to watch. I scheduled 2 of the movies for the night of the 30th and the other 2 for the night of the 31st (making certain the last finished recording before the clock ticked over to the 1st). I got up early on the 31st, scheduled a few football games to record, and started my “transcription” process. Did the same thing on the 1st (with the parade this time). Mission accomplished – didn’t miss much of any football game and had 4 movies to watch sometime later for under $10. Such a deal. Well, almost. Turns out I had a media problem with one movie so we got 3 for $10, still not so bad.

Well, I just got my bill. The 2 movies I downloaded on the 30th show up as being downloaded on the 31st. And sadly, the 2 movies I downloaded on the 31st show up as being downloaded on the 1st. So no credit.

I immediately call DirecTV and quickly get through to Customer Service. Mickey confirms that his screens show the movies correctly being ordered/delivered on the 30th and 31st. I ask what seems to be a logical question, “Why does my bill show the 31st and the 1st?” Mickey has no answer. My next question is about the missing credit. Mickey has an answer for this – “DirecTV will mail you a certificate that you need to return.” Huh? “I’m sorry, can you say that again?” Mickey repeats his explanation – they are going to mail a certificate and I need to return it “with my payment.” I mention that I’m on an automatic payment plan, “How will that work?” I ask. Mickey doesn’t know. “Does the certificate come with the bill or will it be in a separate envelope?” Mickey doesn’t know. “When am I getting the certificate?” Mickey is happy he has an answer to this one – “Usually 4 to 6 weeks.” “Usually?” I inquire. “Well, yes, usually 4 to 6 weeks” say’s Mickey.

I ask Mickey if he doesn’t think this is pretty “customer unfriendly.” No response. I ask if I can make a complaint about the process. Mickey offers to forward an e-mail to the complaint department, but his heart isn’t in it. “Mickey, I understand this is not of your doing, but somebody there should really be thinking about this more from the customer perspective.” No comment from Mickey. I wish him a nice weekend and hang up.

DirecTV will pay for people to answer the phones because the bills are wrong. DirecTV will pay for people to answer the phones to explain that a certificate will come in the mail, sometime in the future. DirecTV will pay for the certificate stock. DirecTV will pay people to print and mail the certificates. DirecTV will make their customers spend time and money to return the certificates. DirecTV will pay people to answer calls about where the certificates are. DirecTV will pay people to open the envelopes that the certificates are in and post them to accounts. And, inevitably, when certificates are lost or damaged in distribution, lost or damaged in return, or credited to the wrong account, DirecTV will again pay for people to resolve these problems.

DirecTV could have given their customers a warm fuzzy by giving a direct credit. They could have described the process up front (in readable type) and then people could have made an informed decision. Nope. Somebody at DirecTV created an equation that said the promotion wouldn’t cost them as much by doing it this way. Clearly the equation didn’t take into account the loss of customer lifetime value.

As I said, DirecTV is now officially a cable company.

And so much for being a DirecTV advocate.